Two ShorT STorieS

Jesus and Satans’ Contest
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the
better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until
they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with
God as the judge. They set themselves before their
computers and began. They typed furiously, lines of
code streaming up the screen, for several hours
straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a
bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.
Moments later, the power is restored, and God
announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to
show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly
upset, and cries, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the
power went out.” “Very well, then,” says God, “Let us
see if Jesus fared any better.” Jesus enters a
command, and the screen comes to life in vivid
display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from
the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-bbut
how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’
program is intact! How did he do it?” God chuckles,
“Everybody knows Jesus saves.”

The Pope’s Golf Game
The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal
from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. “Your
Holiness,” said one of his Cardinals, “Mr. Netanyahu
wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the
friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish
and Catholic faiths.” The Pope thought this was a
good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his
hand. “Don’t we have a Cardinal to represent me?” he
asked. “None that plays very well,” a Cardinal replied.
“But,” he added, “there is a man named Jack Nicklaus,
an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can
offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr.
Netanyahu as your personal representative. In
addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we’ll
also win the match.” Everyone agreed it was a good
idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was
honored and agreed to play. The day after the match,
Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope
of the result. “I have some good news and some bad
news, your Holiness, “ said the golfer. “Tell me the
good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus,” said thePope.
“Well, your Holiness, I don’t like to brag, but even
though I’ve played some pretty terrific rounds of golf
in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far.
I must’ve been inspired from above. My drives were
long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful,
and my putting was perfect.
With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.”
“There’s bad news?” the Pope asked. “Yes,” Nicklaus
sighed. “I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by three strokes.”